This is NOT the update I want to write {But something just as precious}

I missed writing my 10-month update. On March 4, I should be writing Abby’s 11-month update. And, while the next several weeks promise to be insanely busy, I have faith that I will write…eventually. That’s how I process stress and life. That’s how I keep time, record memories, emerge from the fog that is early motherhood and start-up small business stress.

But, not today.

Today, I write a memorial. Today, I write a love letter. Today, I remind myself why I am so blessed even if my infertile body never conceives again.

Because, you see dear friends, a beautiful baby girl, who was born the same day as Abby (but in New Zealand), died this week. She began gasping for breath and never revived. The paramedics could do nothing. She was simply gone. Born with CHARGE syndrome, she is known online as the “one in a million baby.” People all over the world will be lighting candles for her this Sunday evening/Monday afternoon (depending on time zone). Her mother and I corresponded during our pregnancies, and now I cry for her.

And, I write because there are no words.

Dear Abby,

Today I cry for another mama in another land who has no rambunctious baby to fill her arms. Today I cry for parents worldwide who lose their babies in the womb, who lose their little ones to sickness and hunger, who never know the joy of watching them grow. 

Abby, you are a gift. One I hold dearly. One I treasure more than words can say.

Little Girl, as you grow, never take for granted the sweetness of this life and this family. In several weeks, we plan to have you dedicated at church. To stand before friends and your grandparents and commit to raising you to love life and to love our Lord. You will make your own decisions, but I pray that you never lose your sweetness and that you grow to make your own relationship with your Heavenly Father.

Your Heavenly Father will hold you when I can’t.

When that day comes, turn to Him. Turn to the One who crafted you in my womb, knit you together, and gave you the spunk and independence that are so uniquely you.

I love you, Baby Girl. Always and forever.

Your Mama