We’ve changed over 75 diapers this week, according to the TotalBaby app on my phone. Mama is so grateful for this app. Without it, I wouldn’t remember when I fed you last or when I pumped last, when I changed you last or when I bathed you last. I’m so tired that I’ve fallen asleep giving you a bottle, only to wake up as the bottle rolled off the bed and onto the floor. Sleep deprivation has reduced me to delighting in simple pleasures…like taking a shower or brushing my teeth. Occasionally, I consider adding my own daily events – eating, using the restroom, drinking – to an app of my own, so I can track when it last happened. Your stats would definitely be more impressive than mine.
But, it doesn’t matter.
I sit in the same nursing position over and over again, delighting in your facial expressions and wiggling body. I’ve heard that babies don’t smile yet, but you do. You grin with breast milk covering your face and dripping down your chin. You have dried milk in the rolls of your neck and plastered to your cheeks. And, when you are either very pleased with your full belly or content with the accomplishment of your dirty diaper, you smile. With dimples.
I’m in love.
You are getting better at nursing, but are still impatient when you have to work too hard. Every 2-3 hours (we’ve gone the occasional 4), you nurse, drink a bottle, poop, consider napping, and mama pumps. You HATE to be set down, and I’m realizing that a new set of arm and back muscles are going to develop in the coming months, as I learn to hold you while accomplishing nearly every other task. Unfortunately, I can’t pump and hold you at the same time, and you scream with the fury that only an angry 5-pound infant can. If my whole body wasn’t shaking with its visceral response to your cries, I might marvel at your lung capacity. As it is, I try to calm my rising panic until I can pick you up and comfort you.
April has been balmy this week, and we’ve taken nearly daily walks around the block. Strangely enough, you don’t really like my Boba wrap yet, as the “infant hold” keeps your head bound pretty close to me. You, however, like to be able to look around, and drink in the world. Your daddy’s hard shell carrier is much more to your liking, although you still don’t tolerate it for long.
Your first Easter was heralded by a family dinner, and your introduction to several special aunts, uncles, and cousins. Everyone exclaimed over how tiny and precious you are. I think you are perfect. Just. The. Way. You. Are. You are my dearest little Chickadee, my hungry baby bird.
Mama has eaten a lot of chocolate this week. Sometimes in the middle of the night when I am awake to feed and pump. One way or the other (healthy or not so healthy food choices), I eat about every 2 hours with you. I’ve NEVER been this hungry…pregnancy doesn’t even compare. It’s strange to be up at 3 a.m., snacking on hummus and rotisserie chicken….Still, so far, both of our stomachs have been satisfied.
You make my heart sing, and my body tired. Since the day you were born, I’ve never felt this completely poured out and this utterly filled up simultaneously.
I love you, Precious Girl. Love you so much.
Happy Three Weeks,
I just love these little letters you write. She is absolutely adoarable!!!
Thank you so much! After 3.5 years, she is such a miracle.