Thanks to a dear friend’s honesty and her personal journey through Beth Moore’s study of Esther, the Holy Spirit whispered a new question to my heart today . . .
“Then what, Lauren? Then what?”
With brilliant clarity, I realized that He has been oft repeating this query with tender compassion. Quietly. Passionately. Patiently. With mercy waiting.
After the unthinkable happens, then what?
After your worst fears are realized, then what?
After you seek Me, but don’t hear My voice, then what?
After you turn away in anger, refusing the undesirable gifts, then what?
When you’re told you may never have children from your own body, then what?
When every remedy fails and your body falls apart, then what?
When My love catches you unawares, then what?
Lauren . . . then what?
Exhaustion has set in, and I don’t see the humor in my students’ “stupid” question. They sound like just “stupid” questions this week, though that is not fully the truth. There not. But, my brain has so many questions of its own. I am taking Tylenol PM to fall asleep at night, unable to stop the whirring of thoughts about the unknown. Hundreds of pages of research for my master’s Capstone Project pooled in the printer’s tray – all in need of reading, analysis, evaluation, and eventual discarding.
Yet, the Lord asks me, “Then what, Lauren? Then what? Will you love Me, trust Me, praise Me? Even now? Even tonight?”
The “yes” escapes me lips with the sighs and yawns that breathe out. Yes . . .Then what? Then, GOD.