It’s time to tell the truth.
Tonight, I feel the need to share the disappointment that is heavy on my heart. Maybe my yearnings and strivings will bring awareness and comfort to someone else. More than likely, however, I just need an outlet to openly wrestle with the circumstances in my life.
“Why?” I ask myself, “Must you focus on this one tiny little part of your heart that hurts when so much in your life is blessed beyond description?” No clear answer rises to surface. No easy band-aid makes itself apparent.
First, though . . . I must remember the good. I am head-over-heels in love with my husband, and, better yet, he is in love with me. My family could not be more supportive and downright amazing. Friends steadfastly stand with me, laugh with me, cry with me. Matter of fact, I recently returned from a delicious walk with a friend around a nearby pond. Golden leaves fell like snowflakes around us, as we chatted and soaked in the warm autumn sun. Life is good, precious even.
Yet, in guilt, I admit that all is not at peace in my heart. I just found out that another recently-married acquaintance is pregnant . . . by “accident.” The revelation, while thrilling, is also a reminder of my own treasured dream, yet to be fulfilled. It angers me that the blessed gift of a new baby would stir up anything in my heart except for joy. I am wrong, but for now I am also honest. It hurts. My heart hurts.
I’m not pregnant. May never be according to some in the medical world.
However, I will not give up hope. Prayers for a miracle regularly ascend to Heaven. Isn’t every pregnancy, every creation of new life, a miracle anyway? My Heavenly Daddy has never told me “No” in response to this cry. Rather, He has always gently – and sometimes not so gently – reminded me of His promises, as He is doing right now as I type. His thoughts and plans for me are for my good. He makes all things beautiful in His time. He sends His word and heals all my diseases. He is the God that loves me with an everlasting love. He calms the storm, so that its wave are still. He satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry with good things. He gives good gifts to His children.
Tears well up in my eyes, as I am overwhelmed once again by the faithfulness of my Savior. When I am weak, then He is strong. When I am strong, then He is even stronger. It is time to not only tell the truth, but also climb up into the lap of the ultimate Truth Giver. It is time to build my faith on the One who never disappoints and never goes back on His promises.
It is just the waiting that is so hard . . .
If you have made it this far in this post, then I thank you. I pray that if your heart hurts over any disappointment – big or small – that you would be able to find solace in the arms of Jesus tonight. In the good things around you. In the laughter of friends. In the love of family. In the blessed hope that we have in Christ.
Please leave me a comment if you too have a prayer request that I can include in my talks with my Heavenly Father. I’ve been honest tonight, but I want to also keep the focus off of myself. Please do not lose hope in my ramblings, but rather be filled with peace by the same promises that are a balm to my heart. I’m not giving up. Neither should you.