4:30 AM

Father God,

As I sip my vanilla spice black tea at 4:30 this morning, my heart is “filled with a good theme,” as the Psalmist David would say. It is way too early for most people to be having meaningful conversations, but I truly long to commune with You this morning. My walk with You has been rocky over the past year and a half. Last week was no different. I sank into a deep pit of despair and then wallowed there for a while. However, You have been so faithful to continually draw me to Yourself. Last week You did so none too gently, but I clearly needed a wake up call. While my heart was still grounded in You, my feet were planted anywhere BUT on the Rock of my salvation. As I greet Monday morning with You today, I pray that this week would be different. Help me to meditate on Your promises and build up my faith by praying Your Word over myself and over the people around me.

I feel as though I have strayed so far from the principles of Your Kingdom. I repent. My strength is in You, in Your joy. My peace is found in Your rest, a rest set aside for Your children. My hope is in Your Word. Oh, do not forsake me! Have compassion on me and let Your loving kindness crown me. May Your Words heal all my diseases. May I be like a ship brought to safe haven by Your Spirit.

I am mesmerized and enveloped by the balm found in Isaiah 54:11-13. “O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, BEHOLD, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children.” This comforts me on several levels. First, the beauty of the castle that you are creating out of my ashes overwhelms me. Truly, I am a King’s daughter. Second, I believe that vs. 13 speaks to future plans You have in store for me. Although I have been battling infertility for a year and a half, I don’t believe that I will remain barren. Rather, I believe that You are already delighting in the children that You plan to gift me with. You know the plans that You have for me, and those plans are good.

While there is no use in raging at the injustices in this imperfect world, I know that You weep with us when we grieve and experience senseless pain. This last week my heart has been breaking for sweet friends of mind, Joanna and Kevin, who just found out that their precious, unborn daughter Lydia Ann is not developing properly. When she is born in January, she has been given moments to live before being swept up in Your arms. Her brain is not made for this world. While she dances in Joanna’s womb now, she will soon dance with You unless You do a miracle. I beseech You for a miracle. Breathe life into this situation. Breathe hope into darkness. Hold Joanna and Kevin today. May they relish the precious moments that they have together today. Uphold them through these upcoming weeks.

I’ve drained the last drop of fragrant tea from my paisley mug, and I need to find something other than pajamas to wear to work. May I abide in You throughout the entire day. May my life be a sweet aroma to You. I worship You and love You. Show me Your priorities for the day that I may not drain away the energy that You have given me on pointless pursuits. May I make the sandwiches that You order today rather than trying to make the entire menu. Thank You for this precious time with You this morning.

Love, Lauren

2 thoughts on “4:30 AM

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  1. This was beautiful! Thank you for sharing your prayers and thoughts. You are an amazing woman and fabulous friend. I am so blessed to have you in my life!

    1. Thank you so much, sweet friend! I hope my prayers and thoughts can continue to inspire others. God is showing me so much of my own weakness. You are such an amazing example on a daily basis of a teacher, wife and friend who balances a lot on her plate with grace and poise. Love you!

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